# Extremely discouraged.



## Mecki (Nov 4, 2017)

Just posted on another thread by Shaymin asking "How long did it take to bond with your hedgehog" and also read a reply to "Tell us your bonding story."

These stories by others and their wonderful success with bonding makes me think I'm doing something drastically wrong or my hedgehog is wacko.

Granted I've had Mecki for just 13 days, but I'm seeing no progress. I'm spending (keeping a written log) about 3 hours per day with him. He won't unball, he spikes (ouch), huffs, and doesn't want anything to do with me.

The other threads have people spending 1 hour per day and bonded within a week. Or, oh, they bonded instantly. How the heck! 






The video was taken on the 3rd day I had him, but he is absolutely no different today then he was then. (Normally I would have both hands holding him but I had to hold the phone to video.)


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## Mecki (Nov 4, 2017)

Here's another one taken the same day... still what he does 11 days later...


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## belties (Oct 2, 2018)

Ok ,don't get discouraged and give up on him. Our Little Bit was not freindly at all when we got her either. And to tell the truth she still doesn't think she needs us. What I do is when its bonding time I put a bath towel over my legs while sitting on the couch with my legs stretched out. I roll her out of her pouch and peak it up like a tent over her. Hedgies feel safest when they are under something. When she calms down and is unballed then I hold a mealie by the head and offer it next to her tent. She will come to the edge and take her treat but still likes to be mostly hidden. After she eats both mealies then she gets baked chicken shreds hand fed till shes full. Then for the first 3-4 months she would stand up and turn around a few times with her sack on top of her like a turtle shell till she found the spot between my knees where she wanted to sleep. She would lay there and sleep or peak out from under her sack to see what was going on.If you disturbed her you would get huffed at or head butted with spikes. Now she has getting where she will start exploring more and crawl under the towel and sleep next to my leg. But you will still get huffed at if you lift the towel and look at her. We just have to share her time on her terms. She is finally getting where if I get her out of her pen and set her on the bed and hold her sack open she will go in to go downstairs and again when its time to go back . And I work with her every night from 8.15 till 11.00 and we have had her since June of last year. Some of them are very independant.


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## belties (Oct 2, 2018)

We also found she will come out from under her hide more if we dim the lights in the livingroom. We also heat her chicken in the microwave and then I have to blow on it to get it cool for her. Shes kind of spoiled.


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## Ria (Aug 30, 2018)

Never feel discouraged, honestly you'll get there. Thing is most people use things bonding bags and the towles/blankets on laps and then they use flecce to pick them up. I didn't, I tried using the fleece blanket the first night and it scared her even more, so I gave up on the idea and just used her bedding to protect my hands a bit and pick her up (I have loose bedding) Also I spent a lot of time during the day coming in and talking to her, I just told her life problems and she'd just lay there asleep but talking softly all those times got her used to my voice, which now helps to calm her down. When bonding she literally associates the blankets as being held by somone else, from day one (I got her the day she turned 1 month old) I've not used the blankets or bonding bags when she was little she would lay on my chest and just sleep, and I let her just sleep there gently stroking her, but as we got more into summer she decided laying on me was just too much heat, she'd climb down lay on the sofa against me and shove head behind me. One day I wore my cardigan and she found this great, she layed on my arm under the carigan, its like her little place, I had to buy a second one that summer so I can alternate them when the need washing, but they pretty much turned into my bonding with Holly cardigan, we use it every night. Its like a replacement to a bonding bag/blanket which is closer to my smells and body. 
Through this I also always have my scent in her cage, I'll swap fleece toys I've made her weekly so that my scent is always there.
I've also hand fed her cooked meats (I wont touch inesects with my hands I use tweezers) and cooked veg, and some fruits - she prefers cooked apples over un cooked apples. But hand feeding really is a great way to gain trust.
Also I started with half an hour bonding and slowly increased, which is the best way if you have them out too long it can make them grumpy. Holly likes having bonding from 7-9pm no more time no less time. Has to be the same amount of time. And I dont make her wake up when its he sleep. See she doesbt have dark till 9. So she wont wake up until 9 where I put her in her cage, hide all her insects sort her cat biscuit turn off the lights and then stand with one door open watching her for about half an hour. We used to have a play pen, but things have happened abd we cant actually put that play pen up. And I dont have a hedgie safe room. But she doesnt really mind.


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## Kalandra (Aug 25, 2008)

You’ve had your hedgehog for less than 2 weeks… you have no reason to become discouraged yet. Your hedgehog is young, and will be going through changes in the next few weeks. Shaymin is still currently settling in and is still a baby. He is still learning about you, his environment, and even about himself as he grows up. You also need to learn how to bond with him. Each hedgehog has its own personality and how it likes to be interacted with. Some are snuggly, and others are too busy, or defensive to be snuggly.


A bit of advice, don’t be disappointed if your hedgehog is a more defensive character and doesn’t become snuggly. It may be just who he is. Instead, figure out how to interact with him on his terms. Don’t try to force him to do things he doesn’t like. For example, if he doesn’t like to be pet, don’t try to pet him. Doing so will only annoy him and will make bonding harder. 
Yes some have bonding experiences that happen quickly, others take their time to bond. I’ve cared for hedgehogs for a very long time. I have only had a couple of babies over the years, as I only do rescue work now, but I can tell you that each and every one of those hedgehogs had a different personality and the time it took to bond and how that bond was formed was different.


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## Aj.t (Jan 29, 2019)

Ria made a good point with the talking... I definitely made that mistake with Christina, keeping her in such a quiet environment for most of the day. My breeder (and many pettubers I watch) recommended keeping a radio on softly throughout the day just to desense them to noises a little, cause that could definitey be part of the problem as well.


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## Mecki (Nov 4, 2017)

Kalandra said:


> You've had your hedgehog for less than 2 weeks&#8230; you have no reason to become discouraged yet. Your hedgehog is young, and will be going through changes in the next few weeks. Shaymin is still currently settling in and is still a baby. He is still learning about you, his environment, and even about himself as he grows up. You also need to learn how to bond with him. Each hedgehog has its own personality and how it likes to be interacted with. Some are snuggly, and others are too busy, or defensive to be snuggly.
> 
> A bit of advice, don't be disappointed if your hedgehog is a more defensive character and doesn't become snuggly. It may be just who he is. Instead, figure out how to interact with him on his terms. Don't try to force him to do things he doesn't like. For example, if he doesn't like to be pet, don't try to pet him. Doing so will only annoy him and will make bonding harder.
> Yes some have bonding experiences that happen quickly, others take their time to bond. I've cared for hedgehogs for a very long time. I have only had a couple of babies over the years, as I only do rescue work now, but I can tell you that each and every one of those hedgehogs had a different personality and the time it took to bond and how that bond was formed was different.


Thanks for the reply. Yeah, I was counting on it taking awhile... but after reading the replies to Shaymin's thread, and seeing my Mecki not anywhere remotely close to their experiences, it became quite discouraging.

Other than picking him up and holding him in my open hands (as breeder encouraged), I haven't done any forcing. Haven't even attempted to pet him since I can't get a free hand near him without him spiking.

Am I right to still try to pick him up and hold him in my hands every day? Most of our bonding time thus far has been having him in a bonding bag with me.


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## Mecki (Nov 4, 2017)

Aj.t said:


> Ria made a good point with the talking... I definitely made that mistake with Christina, keeping her in such a quiet environment for most of the day. My breeder (and many pettubers I watch) recommended keeping a radio on softly throughout the day just to desense them to noises a little, cause that could definitey be part of the problem as well.


Funny you bring this up. I noticed with Mecki lately that if he's on my lap he doesn't seem phased if he hears me talking to family members in my normal voice but doesn't seem to like it when I use a "pet voice" -- you know, the voice one uses to talk to a pet? So I started talking to him in my normal voice.


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## Aj.t (Jan 29, 2019)

Definitely! They’ve got crazy good hearing so any inflection in your voice that’s higher tends to irritate them... at least it does when I call Christina ‘mi princesa’ in an accent haha. But yeah very casual, normal voices are preferred for that reason exactly!


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## Kalandra (Aug 25, 2008)

Mecki said:


> Am I right to still try to pick him up and hold him in my hands every day? Most of our bonding time thus far has been having him in a bonding bag with me.


You definitely should be holding and interacting with him daily. Some recommend at least 30 minutes daily, but honestly I go for at least 1 hour, if not 2 hours of cuddles. That interaction could be nothing more than him sleeping in a bonding bag while you read, watch tele, or browse youtube. When he's in the bag he still is with you and gets to understand that he is safe when he is with you.

Some of these guys take a lot of time to get to understand who they are and how we can interact. I had one little guy who took me 6 months just to see his nose. Now he was an adult, but he was in a constant huffing quill ball if you were near him. That included just walking in the room. The image in my signature is the night we saw his nose for the first time.

One thing hedgehogs will teach us is patience. When you are patient enough, sometimes there are great rewards ahead (like seeing a tiny little nose).


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## Mecki (Nov 4, 2017)

Kalandra said:


> You definitely should be holding and interacting with him daily. Some recommend at least 30 minutes daily, but honestly I go for at least 1 hour, if not 2 hours of cuddles. That interaction could be nothing more than him sleeping in a bonding bag while you read, watch tele, or browse youtube. When he's in the bag he still is with you and gets to understand that he is safe when he is with you.


Thanks. I have been holding him every day in my bare hands so I'll keep that up. I also keep a detailed written bonding log for each day. I am spending an average of 3 hours per day. Once only was it a mere hour, but other than that day, never less than 2 hours. Most of that time is either in the bonding bag or on my lap (on a lap pad, under a towel).

The advice given recently by the breeder was to give him a foot bath to get him to open up. I've done that the last 3 evenings, but he hates me picking him up out of the bath. Once he's hidden in the towel, he'll sit on my lap (and poo). :-?


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## belties (Oct 2, 2018)

That is soo funny that yours doesn't want out of the foot bath. Ours the minute she is in the foot bath she looks up at me with that please rescue me ,I don't care if the water doesn't even touch my belly I think I might drown look. She is always very eager to climb in my hand to get out and snugle in her drying towel and is more friendly the rest of the nite.


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## Mecki (Nov 4, 2017)

belties said:


> That is soo funny that yours doesn't want out of the foot bath. Ours the minute she is in the foot bath she looks up at me with that please rescue me ,I don't care if the water doesn't even touch my belly I think I might drown look. She is always very eager to climb in my hand to get out and snugle in her drying towel and is more friendly the rest of the nite.


Oh, I don't think he likes the foot bath at all. He just stands there frozen like "what the heck is this." BUT, he hates me touching him - ever --even if it is to 'rescue' him from the bath. He sees me as his enemy. Never is he eager to come toward me or my hand. Never is he friendly.


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## belties (Oct 2, 2018)

It took ours several ,,,,,,,,,, several months to get to where she tolerates being handled. At first I would have to scoop her from both sides to get her out of the water too. But after repeated foot bathes she realised I was her savoir and now wants to be helped out. They can be slow learners at times but repeating the same thing the same way over and over and one day they are like ok I know what you want and I am fine with it now. It can be a long slow process but when they do finally come around to you it is amazing.


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## Ria (Aug 30, 2018)

Take food for him hand feed him certain foods - doesnt have to be insects if you dont want to touch them haha but maybe a little bit of plain cooked chicken two times a week to help during bonding.

Some hedgehogs are very slow at bonding, but you gotta be as stubborn if not more stubborn than them at it. 

You may just have one of those hedgehogs that dont like being handled, have you tried bonding time mixed with play time ?? So your around and talking but they are playing, and then you hand feed a bit of cooked chicken maybe once or twice a week depending how much you're giving or insects daily if you dont mind toughing them.


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