# Mother doesn't want hedgie???!



## RedBisou (Oct 28, 2011)

So I told my mum two weeks ago that I wanted a hedgie, she said no but she said it in a way that she says things when she's just being stubborn and you know she's thinking about it and entertaining the idea. I spoke about it again last night, and she said no, very firmly. It kind of ticked me off.

Heres the situation, i'll try to keep it short. My mother is a single parent of myself and my little brother who is "disabled". He can't speak, he resembles a child with autism but not exactly. I was supposed to move out on my own 2 years ago, but my mother had a break down of sorts and so I stayed to help her with my brother. I am 21 years old... I feel as if I should be able to get a pet if I chose... am I wrong in this? I realize that I'm under her roof, but it is my room... I nanny for her for free, no charge, I've put my life on hold for her to sort her stuff out, and I feel as if I should be able to do this. I rarely go out, I dont party, I barely drink, I haven't really got any friends because i have to stay home all the time to make sure my brother is okay. I haven't left my house in a month... and I'm getting lonely. I would love a little companion, my dog is strangely antisocial, so I go hang out with him for a bit and he eventually just wants to chill out away from me lol.

Any other hedgie owners who still live at home with mum or dad? Any advice?


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## Sar-uh (Sep 6, 2011)

My husband and I had to move in with my parents for a year because we couldn't find work. It was strange to be an adult but still have to abide by your parents' rules because you live with them. At the time, we brought our two cats with us, and having them there was difficult since my mom is allergic to cats :? We had to keep them in the basement, which certainly wasn't ideal. So I kind of know where you're coming from.

Have you talked to your mom about why she doesn't want one in her house? She might have the wrong idea about them. Maybe if you dispel some misinformation, she'll change her mind. Tell her about how you would care for it, and that you plan to take full responsibility so she won't have to worry about anything.


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## Pickle (Sep 11, 2011)

Sar-uh said:


> ...
> Have you talked to your mom about why she doesn't want one in her house? She might have the wrong idea about them. Maybe if you dispel some misinformation, she'll change her mind. Tell her about how you would care for it, and that you plan to take full responsibility so she won't have to worry about anything.


I agree here, she may be thinking they are nothing more than a prickly rat - get her up to speed on what hedgies are really all about and maybe even show her a few cute videos on youtube


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## ShutUpAndSmile (Mar 7, 2011)

What helped was bringing my mom to see a hedgehog. She was like "Okay they're cute" and make sure to show her lots of pictures of baby hedgehogs. No one can say no to a baby hedgehog.


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## RedBisou (Oct 28, 2011)

Thanks for the advice, I have shown her some youtube videos but my mother is kinda weird when it comes to "cute" lol she doesn't think kittens are cute lol. I got her to watch pets 101 hedgehogs with me and she didnt seem impressed. 

I'm going to keep at it, keep talking about it, and keep trying to convince her. I really hope it doesn't come to me "forcing" it on her, I am getting a hedgehog, I've already got a breeder lined up and am days away from putting down a deposit :?


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## ShutUpAndSmile (Mar 7, 2011)

Well why don't you just tell her what you told us? I know it would be hard but maybe explaining why you want a hedgehog she'll be more open to one.


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## RedBisou (Oct 28, 2011)

My mum is a very unsympathetic type of person. Not to be harsh, but she only really cares about herself, it's just her personality. I love her very much, but any mother whos willing to let their daughter waste their lives and not further their education... well... lol i'll leave that alone.


I think what I might just do is get the hedgehog regardless. Kind of like a "you can't really tell me what to do" kind of thing. it's sort of juvenile but I think it might be about time to show her she can't boss me around forever. 

She wouldn't make me get rid of the hedgie once I have it, luckily. 

We'll see if she conforms


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## Nancy (Aug 22, 2008)

Are you working and contributing your share toward the household expenses? If not, then she has every right to say what goes on in her house. 

Unless she is keeping you captive in the house which is against the law, how is she stopping you from continuing your education?


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## hanhan27 (May 12, 2011)

IMO, being respectful toward your parents is usually the best way to go... If I were you, I would explain to her that you are willing to help your family out, but you feel you deserve something in return... The fact that that something would require 0 time & money on her part might make her more willing.


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## nikki (Aug 28, 2008)

I have to agree with Nancy, at your age you can move out, live on your own and go to school. As long as my kids lived at home, and weren't paying room and board, they were expected to help in any way needed and to follow our rules. That included what pets they could have.


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## Hissy-Fit-Hazel (Jul 15, 2011)

You are a grown up....let her know what your needs are and if she won't allow it move out. 

She's not likely to find anyone to fill the position in anywhere near the same capacity who will take that crap. Family...can be some of the worst abusers with their expectations and assumed rights. 

And don't forget this treatment later in life when she is old & has to move back in with you lmao :roll:


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## RedBisou (Oct 28, 2011)

I contribute by raising her child. Its as simple as that. Since i was 11 I have been watching her son every single day. I've never had a sleep over, i never had a birthday, last year was my first birthday, that I was actually able to convince her to let me out. I', also the only one who cleans the house. Like i said, im the nanny in a way lol. A nanny that doesnt get paid.

The reason why I cant continue my education is 1. I cant find a job that will let me only work from 10-2 because from 6h30-9 then 3-10pm i am watching my brother. and 2. the closest college to where i live is a 2 hour bus ride away and i would be able to get my brother on and off the bus like she needs me to

My father tried telling me that I needed to tell her to cut the cord so to speak,to move out already, unfortunately he passed away last year from cancer and I just havent had the courage to tell her enough is enough. I also dont have the money to live on my own, at 900 dollars for rent... i just dont think I could pull that off by myself.

I dont want to upset my mother in anyway but i am 21 and having a pet will not effect her life in anyway. She doesnt even want me to have fish, thinks it will distract me from what i should be doing, which is watching my brother. 

Such a weird situation lol odd topic for a hedgie board


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## Nancy (Aug 22, 2008)

Your situation doesn't sound fair to you, but it also doesn't sound like a situation to bring a pet into. You do have options. There is always Welfare that will help you get your own place and then you can go about finding a job or getting into school. Rents are expensive but there are organizations and options that will help. Do you have grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins or even a friend that you could live with? Your brother is your mothers responsibility, not yours. 

I think I would hold off on the hedgehog and go about getting yourself in a better situation first.


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## nikki (Aug 28, 2008)

As a breeder I would never place a hedgehog in a home where all family members weren't in agreement about getting the hedgie. To me that just creates more stress in the home and hedgies can pick up that stress and its not a healthy situation for an animal to be in.


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## Sar-uh (Sep 6, 2011)

Have you applied for Financial Aid? Hubby and I were able to get enough to move out of my parents' house and get an apartment. Then we both found part-time jobs, and we're doing just fine. Best of luck to you!


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## RedBisou (Oct 28, 2011)

I'm not planning on moving out anytime soon, not until we can find someone who can watch my brother and who's qualified to.

We aren't a violent home lol its not like we yell at each other, theres nothing that would stress the hedgehog in any way, I dont even talk about it with my mother theres no point. We have a dog whos 3 years old and hes just fine lol lots of love and care and spoiled to boot, mum didnt want him either and now she loves him.


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## nikki (Aug 28, 2008)

If you don't want to move out, and don't pay rent or room and board then really you shouldn't bring an animal in without her permission. As a breeder I still wouldn't place a hedgehog in a situation like that.


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## PRINCESSDANGER13 (Aug 17, 2011)

I am 22 still living with both my parents (broke college student) so its even harder.... I got my mom into the idea of letting me have one and she thinks there really cute.... But my dad in the other hand is like there rat or porcupines (I correct him all the time and he doesn't care)..... My mom is impressed on all the information I did and showed videos of them and she doesn't have a problem what's so ever.... My dad is the hardest because he like they gonna smell just a bad as having a rabbit or a guinea pig or whatever like there's no way of getting him to agree to letting me have a hedgehog.... And the worst of all both my parent's know I've wanted one since I was young and buys me things of hedgehogs.... Its like just buy me a real one already jeez!!


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## Nancy (Aug 22, 2008)

When I was breeding, I would not sell to anyone under 18, or who was living in someone else's house unless the home owner gave permission. Actually, that situation came up quite frequently when kids were going to college or university and stayed living at home. 

Some breeders and rescue organizations need to get approval from a landlord if the person is living in a rental property. Usually it's for cats or dogs, but I have heard of a couple that did it for small animals too. It's for the protection of the animal. 

Usually it is so much better to have a parent on board with a new pet. We've seen situations on here way too often where the parent refuses to take the pet to the vet, or pay for the vet and it's the animal that suffers.


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## RedBisou (Oct 28, 2011)

Just to be clear she wont have to pay for a vet lol. 

I guess im asking the wrong people for advice


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## ShutUpAndSmile (Mar 7, 2011)

No your asking the best people to ask. 
Your just not getting an answer you want to hear. Dx


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## Quinn (Apr 24, 2011)

I agree that right now is not the time to get a pet. You're being provided a free home and food. Therefore you should follow your mom's rule. Your situation isn't great but it sounds like your only looking for what you want to hear. 
If you really want to move out and go to school there are plenty of options. I'm now 23 but I moved out when I was 20 and went to school without help from my parents. I did it on my own because I wanted it. I finished school and found a full time job and still living on my own. Also, I didn't get a hedgie (or any pet) until I was financially capable of it. If your hedgie gets sick can you take it to the vet? Who will pay for it? Without a job how do you buy the cage and food and everything needed?


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## Immortalia (Jan 24, 2009)

Ok... I'm 26 and I still live at home(sorta) XD No way I'm paying rent in Toronto, while trying to go to school. I'm in a vet tech program right now, and on most days, I'm there from 6:30am-6:30pm. By the time I get home, it's usually almost 8pm, make dinner, pack lunch, do homework, it's already 1am, and I need to wake up in a few hours. There is NO time for work, and even the teachers said, that we'd have no time for work. Some people now just work 1 day shift on the weekend, and most have had to quit their jobs.

I have always ALWAYS gotten full support before I brought an animal home. The only ones I've ever "snuck" in were 2 mice that I couldn't let my ex feed to his snake :3 (Oh, and the barn mouse I saved from the cats, but she only stayed for 1 night XD before being released)
My mom is always on board with our various animals before we get them. She agreed to the dogs, the cats, the birds, the various fish, the horse, the chinchillas, the hedgehog, etc etc. 

She mostly let me get a hedgehog because I'm away at school, and my hedgehog is my travel buddy. Plus, since he's nocturnal, timing works perfectly. It wouldn't be fair to bring my cat here, since I'm away at school for so long during the day, and she's very VERY dependent on company.(She was a "stray" we found, her mother was run over, and we caught her sisters 5 days prior, so she was out in the "wild" for 5 days all alone, so she really doesn't like being alone for long)

But I know that my mom will ALWAYS support me with my animals, and help pay for bills. Just last year, I dropped $1200 in 4 days(not including emergency vet clinic costs- 3 nights spent at the emerg) on my cat(the one down there in my strip of pics cause I haven't had the heart to take it down), who I eventually had to make the decision to put him down on the 4th day. She never hesitated, she was with me all the way, and she handed her credit card over without any sort of argument. In fact, at the end of it all, she said that she was very proud of me, that she watched and waited through that entire time. She was proud that I was able to realize when to let him go. As more of an "outsider" she could see he wasn't getting better, but I wasn't quite ready to let him go.
That also doesn't include the surgery that one of my dogs had to have(to remove a cancerous lump) 2 months prior. 

Something else you mentioned, that can be a little...worrisome... Is that you mentioned your dog is antisocial, and you would like an animal that is more social? Have you read through hedgehog behaviour? You could end up with a hedgehog that wants nothing to do with humans, and will actively try to bite skin if you try to stop them from exploring. Is that something you are prepared for? Wouldn't something like a rat be a much better choice? They are much cheaper, relatively easy to care for, and they will actively seek out companionship and will play with you. Most hedgehogs will see you as 1) a bed - hence the "cuddle type", 2) a jungle gym - hence the "explorer type", 3) vending machine, 4)someone who does horrible things to them. 

Personally, I would wait and see. You can keep asking. Even if you don't get a baby from this litter, there will be others. If you put your mind to it, it's not that hard to find a hedgehog baby. I know it's not something you want to hear/read. And you may just brush it off and get a hedgehog anyways. It may all work out in the end, or it may not. But logically, from an outsider point of view, I think everyone here agrees that it's more logical to wait. But when is the heart ever logical? If our hearts were logical, we wouldn't keep putting ourselves through the pain of losing a pet over and over again. (I STILL cry about my cat, it was exactly 1 year ago on Oct 28th). 

Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best and I hope it all works out.


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## Holly.Kinz (Aug 18, 2011)

RedBisou said:


> So I told my mum two weeks ago that I wanted a hedgie, she said no but she said it in a way that she says things when she's just being stubborn and you know she's thinking about it and entertaining the idea. I spoke about it again last night, and she said no, very firmly. It kind of ticked me off.
> 
> Heres the situation, i'll try to keep it short. My mother is a single parent of myself and my little brother who is "disabled". He can't speak, he resembles a child with autism but not exactly. I was supposed to move out on my own 2 years ago, but my mother had a break down of sorts and so I stayed to help her with my brother. I am 21 years old... I feel as if I should be able to get a pet if I chose... am I wrong in this? I realize that I'm under her roof, but it is my room... I nanny for her for free, no charge, I've put my life on hold for her to sort her stuff out, and I feel as if I should be able to do this. I rarely go out, I dont party, I barely drink, I haven't really got any friends because i have to stay home all the time to make sure my brother is okay. I haven't left my house in a month... and I'm getting lonely. I would love a little companion, my dog is strangely antisocial, so I go hang out with him for a bit and he eventually just wants to chill out away from me lol.
> 
> Any other hedgie owners who still live at home with mum or dad? Any advice?


I can totally understand what you're saying. I'm also twenty one.. Every time that I wanted a pet, I'd have to proove myself to my mom that I can look after it and aford the little animal. I asked for a hedgehog about maybe six months ago, and my mom said no like your mom.. I showed her videos and such and it didn't really work.. till one day she randomly changed her mind. Anyways, if you can look after your little brother than you can look after a hedgehog. At the same time, respect your moms wish. She could snap and loose her temper on the situation in that case, leave it alone for a few months than show her that you are still interested in getting one.


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## lehaley (Jun 25, 2011)

Here’s how I see this situation. It may not be exactly what you want to hear, but I guess that’s kind of the risk you take when you ask others for advice.

I wouldn’t give up trying to convince your mom to allow you to have a hedgehog. Is the breeder you are in contact with somewhat nearby to you? It may be really beneficial to arrange a visit with the breeder to see/interact with some hedgehogs and bring your mom along with you. Most breeders really like it when people visit and take their time rather than rushing into buying a hedgie right away. A lot of people have misconceptions about hedgies. My mom asked me over and over again why I bought a rodent when I told her about Felix. I probably had to tell her 10 times that hedgehogs aren’t actually rodents. Maybe if your mom has the opportunity to spend some time with some hedgies, she will come around to the idea of having one in her house. 

Keep bringing it up and come up with concrete reasons why you should be allowed to have one, don’t just play the “I’m an adult and it’s my right” card or randomly show up at the house with hedgie in hand. Generally taking either of these approaches will not end well. Give her time to warm up to the idea. I know you are excited to get a hedgehog and already have one picked out with this breeder, but having a little patience and being persistent could really pay off in getting your mom’s support. 

If a few months go by and you still DON’T have her support, I’m going to have to agree with the majority of the people who responded here and say that you really shouldn’t be buying a hedgehog right now. I know that the family and living situation isn’t exactly ideal for you right now. I can sympathize with having to become a primary caregiver for a sibling due to unforeseen circumstances, although my situation was a little less severe. I know how difficult it can be to somewhat put your life on hold because of things like that, and how easy it is to become resentful of the parent who somewhat forced you to be in that position. 

The fact of the matter is, you’re living under her roof. Yes, you might be providing her with your fair share of help, but unless you are a tenant paying rent with a legal agreement saying that you can do as you please, it’s her house her rules. I’m 22 years old and away at school living in my own apartment, but I STILL had to get permission from my dad to get Felix because I knew I would be bringing him home with me on weekends and breaks. 

I don’t think people here meant to imply that your house is a bad environment; it’s just not ideal for bringing home a new pet. If your mom is really as against having a hedgehog as you make it sound and you bring one home anyway, there could be really bad consequences for both you and the hedgie. Your mom could refuse to allow the hedgie to stay in the house (which again, whether you agree with it or like it or not, is her right), and then there’s one more hedgie out there in the world in need of rescue. Not only would that be an unfair situation for the animal, it would probably be difficult for you, especially if you had become attached to the hedgie. Half the rescue stories I’ve heard on this website are about people who jumped into getting a hedgehog too quickly and realized that either A. It wasn’t the right pet for them period or B. It wasn’t the right time/situation to have a hedgehog.

Have you considered going to school online? I’m not really familiar with the online colleges and universities in Canada, but there are a ton of them available in the US. Even just getting an Associate’s Degree or some sort of certificate could put you on the right track to find a high enough paying job. That way when you are able to find alternative care for your brother, you’d be able to move out. I have a few friends who have had kids really young (either in high school or right out of high school) who just didn’t have the time to go to traditional school. Online classes have been a really great option for them because for the most part, you do the work whenever you have the time. Again, not sure how financial aid works in Canada, but I’m sure there are a lot of options there too. It’s really something you should look into.


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