# Hedgie heaven gains another angel



## fionas_mommy (Oct 27, 2012)

It is with the absolute most sadness that I write this, and I had been putting it off, but my Fiona deserves a nice memorial about her.

She passed away Monday, 3/11/13. As some of you may know, she had uterine cancer back maybe 5 or 6 months ago. I was worried sick until she had her surgery, and came out perfectly fine, eating mealworms within only hours of waking up. She went back to my curious little nose-poker, and boy was she spoiled after that. Anything Fiona wanted, she got. I loved her to pieces. 

The tumor was malignant, and I knew that. But the tumor seemed whole when pulled out, and we thought we had caught it early. I say "we" like Im a vet or something. But all was good. Then last saturday or so, I noticed her breathing oddly. She seemed to be breathing slower, and heavier, and I was worried. I had to hand feed her every couple hours and she was pretty inactive. I slept on the floor next to her cage sunday night, and by that I mean I got maybe an hour sleep so I could watch her. Monday I took her to the vet. I never knew what kinda visit it was gonna be. 

They found some fluid in her lungs with some xrays, but they thought maybe pneumonia that was caught early enough. An ultrasound showed otherwise. She had a fairly large tumor located between her heart and lungs. The diagnosis shook me...I knew this couldnt be fixed like her uterine cancer. She was only given days. She was in such discomfort, and I couldnt bear to watch her breathe the way she was. And more than anything, I could never let myself live with her suffocating, dying alone and scared in her cage while I was in class or work all day. That thought is still just too much to handle. So I made the worst decision I couldve been asked to make, something I did not go in expecting to have to do. I held her for a long time and cried and cried. And booped her nose, and rubbed her belly, and played with her feet. Then the vet came back, and I signed that awful paper and gave my baby away

She is going to be buried (slightly illegally) next to my grandmother (and my pet frog) this weekend. I gave her my hand-sewn snuggie bag that she so loved, so hopefully shes nice and warm in hedgie heaven. I hope they got her wheel there too. It was so poignant to me...she loved her wheel so much. Even Sunday night, sick as she was, she still did a few rounds in it. 

Fiona, more than anything, I hope you know how much I love you. You were my first hedgie, and honestly just the best. You taught me so much, and though you fit in my palm, your personality took up the whole room. So unique, always making me smile and laugh. I have missed you so much the last couple days. I miss coming home from work and playing with you. Giving you some apple banana baby food. Its still in the freezer. Watching you fall asleep on my chest. Or even just hearing your crunches or squeaky wheel in the middle of the night. Im sorry I ever got frustrated at that squeaking. I hope you forgive me. Ironically, I had a dream about you today, that I took you to class with me. It was nice to see you for a few minutes again. I'll always remember you as my baby. And so now, while I sit here with eyes swollen since Monday, I hope you know it was such a hard decision, but I thought it was best for you. I wanted to get a chance to say goodbye, and watching you in such pain was painful for me. I hope you understand. I wouldve done anything in the entire world to help you if I couldve. But it was just your time. I thank you for spending your 2nd birthday with me. That meant alot, it really did. And Im so happy we spent our last night sleeping together. I love you. Please visit me in my dreams again. I love you, my little sweetie pie.

Oddly enough, I was in class today, and I reached into my hoodie pocket and was poked real hard. I pulled out two quills: a brown and a white. One of each. I was so hoping Id find one laying around. Now I got two. Thanks Fiona. 

I hope she rests easy. She had a hard life, with more ailments than some people. And I hope that as the days go on, I stop remembering the past few days, and instead remember all the times we had before that. I want to remember her and smile and laugh, not cry. I know time heals all, so I will wait


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## Nancy (Aug 22, 2008)

I am so sorry for your loss of your beautiful little girl. What a wonderful tribute to her. 

Hugs


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## shetland (Sep 2, 2008)

Such a perfect memorial for heaven's new and perfect angel. Your baby is at peace; you can now allow peace for yourself. Fiona would like that.


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## momIImany (Oct 14, 2012)

That was a beautiful eulogy for a wonderful little girl. She is at peace now. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.


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## zorropirate (Aug 13, 2010)

HUGS!!!


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## sklock65 (Jan 9, 2013)

Your beautiful post and tribute to her has me sitting here teary eyed. I cannot imagine what you must be feeling but I hope you feel the support of the hedgie community. It sounds like she was so incredibly loved and that is what's important. Not sure if this gives you any comfort but I would agree you did the right thing in the end. You were able to be with her in her last moments and spare her from the pain she was in. That must have let her know how much you really loved her. I hope you find peace in all of this and remember all of the wonderful memories you had with her. You both are certainly in my thoughts.


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## MrPinball (Feb 23, 2013)

I am so sorry for your loss, what a beautiful girl you had and you gave her so much love. She's lucky to have had you as her mommy <3


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## abbys (Oct 13, 2012)

I'm so very sorry about your little one. I wish I could ease your pain, and I'm sending the biggest hugs to you. Hold onto those quills you found - she left them as a gift to you. As though she wants to tell you not to be sad and that she'll always be with you. Despite all her troubles, she was a lucky hedgie to have someone who loved her so much.


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## SpikeMoose (Dec 9, 2012)

That is a really beautiful tribute to her. I teared up reading it, you clearly had such a special bond. I am so so so very sorry for your loss! I am sending you positive energy while your heart tries to heal.


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## Mommatobe (Apr 5, 2012)

So sorry to hear about your beautiful Fiona. The memorial you wrote was amazing and shows how much you loved her. I hope you are able to find comfort and the strength to heal through your fond memories of her. 

Keeping you in our thoughts and hedgie prayers,

Allison & Emma


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## LarryT (May 12, 2009)

She was so beautiful, hugs


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## Ille (Jan 9, 2011)

What a lovely post, you've brought tears to my eyes. Heartfelt condolences, and what a lucky little hedgehog she was to have been loved so much.


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## AngelaH (Jul 24, 2012)

((hugs)) I'm so sorry for your loss. Your post made me cry. I believe you will get to be with your little one again one day.


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## Vivalahedgielution (Feb 8, 2013)

Just amazing. Such love is such a wonderful thing to experience. It is so hard to experience such a hurt when we loose the things we love but in sad but beautiful way, amazing that we can feel that way at all. You obviously loved your little one, and sheltered and protected her with your whole being. You are the hedgie parent we all aspire to be. Thank you for being such an amazing individual and be comforted by knowing that where ever Fiona now travels, with a personality like that, she is getting ANY wheel, in any size she so desires.  

You have the community's full support!


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## MomLady (Aug 14, 2010)

I am so sorry to hear of dear Fiona's passing. You certainly showed your love by letting her go-even though it's hard, you did the right thing.
I was following your posts and was hoping everything was going to be all right. 
She was a beautiful girl and she was lucky to have you for her mom.
Hugs to you.
Donna


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## AlexONeil (Nov 14, 2012)

Your post was so beautiful. I am legitimately sitting here crying, hopefully it's just because I'm beyond tired. But the bond you and Fiona had was truly unique and beautiful. It's an act of love, making that decision for their quality of life. She knew you loved her, and I can't fathom how much she must have loved you. My thoughts are definitely with you this week, and I hope Fiona visits you in your sleep again soon. <3 Stay strong, she wouldn't want her Momma to be sad.


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## jholstein11 (Dec 13, 2012)

I'm sitting here in tears for you and beautiful Fiona. I grieve with you today.


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## shmurciakova (Sep 7, 2008)

Awww. I am so very sorry. I know the pain that you are feeling. Something similar happened to my hedgie Snoball who also was a cancer survivor. A couple of days ago when you posted about Fionas symptoms, I had feared the worst. I am so sorry that you had to let your little lady go. I was lucky enough to be home when Peeps (Snoball) passed away so I can understand your fear of not being there for her at that moment. I believe that there was no reason to leave her suffering. It is very hard at first and you will always love her, even if you do eventually get another hedgehog. I know that in time you will remember the good times you had with her. It has been 6 years since Peeps passed, longer than she was with me, but she will always have a piece of my heart as I am sure Fiona has yours. I know I will hold Daisy a little closer tonight.
Take care,
Susan H.


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## Lussy (Feb 3, 2012)

too sensitive at this topic...I cried while reading your lines...
I cannot even imagine when my sweet Unariccia will no longer with me. she's the only one able to cheer me up in these gloomy cold days.
hope you will soon find some relief....I will also hold my hedgie a bit closer tonite  
big tight hug to you!!!


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## Shell (Aug 23, 2012)

With tears in my eye's, I am here to say how so sorry I am for you. You gave her a wonderful life and so much love. We are all here for you if you need us. 
Rochelle. (((hugs)))


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## fionas_mommy (Oct 27, 2012)

Thank you all so much for your kind words and thoughts. I'm thankful for your support. I thought I was making the right decision but I appreciate the reassurance because it was a hard decision. I miss her so so much, but I have been able to think about her and laugh and smile more. She was the best and there will be none like her. 

On a side note, after much worrying, I just found out I was accepted into grad school and offered a full time position at an ideal job. Fiona was always quite bossy, maybe she's up in heaven making things work  haha she was my angel on earth, so she can certainly still be my little angel where she is now. 

Thanks again everyone. <3


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## sklock65 (Jan 9, 2013)

Little Fiona will always hold such a special place in your heart. Time will help with the loss. It's not that you will miss her any less it will just become easier to deal with and focus on the happy memories...I promise!

But the real reason for this response is to congratulate you on your new beginnings! Grad school AND a dream job is just so exciting! Fiona must be looking down with a smile on her face, that would be what she would want for you


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## FiaSpice (Jan 16, 2009)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it can to make that call (been there done that), but keep reminding you she's pain free now.
*hugs*


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