# I'm So Sorry Shelby



## shelbythehedgehog (Mar 30, 2014)

Hello! 
I know I've been offline for awhile, and I've also really feel bad because I haven't been taking care of Shelby like I used to.
For the past few months, I've been having a tough time and it seemed like taking care of Shelby or even taking her out to play with her was a huge chore, which means I didn't take her out much at all. As I COMPLETELY regret this 100%, I decided today that I was going to give her a bath, clean her cage, etc. And however, as I am holding her clean self in my arms, I am very glad I stepped up my game and cleaned her up. 

Shelby is my everything, and I wish I wasn't such a bad mother to her.

I got her nails clipped, and she listened and didn't hiss or squirm at me as much. 
As she didn't just forgive me right away for being so distant with her, I will work with her again and try to earn her trust back. I understand why she's mad, and I deserve it.

I feel like I need to share this story because I want people who are also going through this same process that Shelby and I did to know to not give up on their baby/s. They are all worth it in the end.

I'm glad that Shelby and I are a team again. Like I said before, she is my EVERYTHING. 

I promise I'll be better with her from now on. 

I love her to pieces.


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## writergirlmel (May 16, 2015)

I don't know you, I don't know exactly what you've been going through, and it sounds like you've learned a lesson. So, I'm sorry if I sound a bit harsh, but I'm going to say this for the benefit of anyone else reading this as well as to reiterate what you've started to learn.

When you take on a pet, you are responsible for its life. Period. It doesn't sound like you simply skimped on bonding. It sounds like you skimped on basic care, and frankly, that's not how you treat someone or something that's truly your "everything." Fortunately, I think you realize that now.

Everyone goes through tough times. Some people go through tough times that leave them on death's door. Unfortunately, that's part of life. But when you choose to become responsible for another life -- whether it's the lives of your children or your pets -- you absolutely cannot allow your tough time to result in their neglect. You must have plans B, C, and D in place to provide for those lives when you cannot. I hope you will make such a plan.

And I am glad that your circumstances are improving. I wish you well in your endeavor to rebuild your relationship with Shelby.


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## twobytwopets (Feb 2, 2014)

I think most of the parents here can share similar stories with what I'm going to share. I'll use human children as the example here.

Sometimes you may need to prioritize what gets done. Basic needs get done no matter what. They aren't negotiable. Kids need food, warmth, and shelter. Hygiene is also non-negotiable. If you are sick, your kids will still get hungry, need washed, clean clothes, a warm bed to sleep in, and it needs to be cleanish. If your lucky, you can get help when you need it. If the help doesn't come, it's on you to do these tasks no matter how bad you feel. 

If you take on responsibility of an animal the same things apply. 

This is another mandatory thing that is difficult for many parents. You have to take care of yourself. You probably ought to hop in the shower, eat healthy meals, keep you physical health in check as much as possible, if it's needed keep up with mental health issues and the hardest of all is you might need a day for you. Do something for yourself to feel good and keep energy up.

All you can do at this point is do better today and everyday after. Have a plan if things start to slip again. Understand that if help isn't available, it's still your responsibility.


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## MomLady (Aug 14, 2010)

Shelby, this is NOT intended towards you. 

This is a warning to anyone reading this in the future. 

My issue is that this is an animal that lives in a CAGE.

It is totally dependent on you to care, feed, clean and nurture it. 

It is not like a cat or dog that will be annoying to you if it is neglected. 

Due to their nature, hedgehogs probably don't care if you bond with them but they will be anti-social. In the end, you will just end up hurting yourself by missing some bonding time. 

Sure there are nights when you won't feel like cleaning the poopy wheel or taking them out just to have them ball up and huff at you. BUT you are the one who took them in and now it's up to you to care for them. 

If you are not feeling well and you think you might get your hedgie sick, at LEAST go in and talk to them. Tell them about your day, clean their wheel, feed them and that can help at least have some contact with you. 

I am glad you are doing better, I'm sure Shelby will appreciate your efforts, even if she never acts like it!


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## twobytwopets (Feb 2, 2014)

In no way was my post passing judgement. 
I am a parent. That is my most important job. I have walked one of my children to the bus stop in pajamas more times than I'd like to admit. I've had the scramble in the morning to find shoes for the right kids. T shirts for my boys are communal, sorting clothes is not in my vocabulary. They are doing good to wear their own pants. Dishes don't get done like I wish they would. The dog is sometimes in charge of sweeping the living room floor of crumbs. 

The more I think about it, I was telling myself those things I posted before. One of my boys is severely mentally handicapped and there are two others that need me as well. I don't take care of myself like I know I should. Some days I'm lucky if I eat something before 9pm. My clothes sometimes have to pass the sniff test. Shaving my legs? Who has time for that. 
All the animals get taken care of, the kids get taken care of and my husband gets taken care of. I'm the one that gets the short end of the stick, but I'm the one passing out sticks.


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## shelbythehedgehog (Mar 30, 2014)

You're right. You obviously know what I've been through. I'm just going to say it straight up, and I'm sorry for this, but you're comment was harsh. And it's clearly not going to help the problems I'm going through. Please understand that I actually debated with myself whether to even post this because I knew I was going to get comments like this.

I KNOW I've done wrong. I don't need to be reminded.


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## octopushedge (Apr 26, 2015)

I don't know what you're expecting from the forum. Between this post and the other one asking about declawing because nail clipping is hard, it sounds a lot like a hedgehog isn't the right pet for you. If you are going through some things right now that impede you from properly taking care of your hedgehog, you are better off finding someone else to care for her. I know it's harsh, but frankly it's the truth. Nobody here is going to pat you on the back for cleaning your hedgehog's cage and bathing her.


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## shelbythehedgehog (Mar 30, 2014)

**

Please refrain from the rude comments on my previous threads (and this one). 
I just wanted to share my story of growing hope, not my story of how i should've "learned a lesson".

I'm very young, and yes, I still have things to learn. People don't know my age on here. I don't like to tell information like that, so I understand if you may think my age is waaaay older than what I am.

If I could, I would delete BOTH of my recent threads.

I just don't understand. Why when I ask questions, why do I need to get all these comments on how I'll be abusive or why is it when I tell my story, why do I have to get a comments about my mistakes. I KNOW I've made a mistake. I just wanted to tell my story or ask some questions.

Shelby is my first pet with actual responsibilities. I will make huge mistakes like that. But I can't live without making mistakes because then I won't learn.

I'm sorry about my last two threads. I really am.


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## shelbythehedgehog (Mar 30, 2014)

When I said that taking her out or cleaning her cage became a chore, I NEVER said i didn't take her out or clean her cage. I just didn't do it as much as I used to. I'm sorry that I offended you all.


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## Lilysmommy (Jan 7, 2009)

I moved your other thread to this one, there's no need to create multiple threads for one issue.

I'm sorry you don't like the answers you're getting, but you can't control the replies you get on the forum. People aren't being rude, only honest. Sometimes the honest answer isn't what we want to hear. And while yes, it's normal to make mistakes, one has to take more care because mistakes when an animal's well-being and life are at stake can be very costly. I'm not saying that you threatened Shelby's life or anything, but that's why people are saying what they are - mistakes are fine and part of life, but neglect (whether intentional or not) still isn't acceptable.

I wouldn't say you've offended anyone, but they are concerned about the well-being of your hedgehog. That's usually the first concern of anyone on this forum. The animal's welfare comes first, people's feelings typically come second. I'm sorry your feelings have been hurt, but no one here has said anything wrong.


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## twobytwopets (Feb 2, 2014)

You weren't clear what was lacking in the care of your hedgehog, so any responses were not addressing any of your issues. As was stated no one was directed at you, just the situation. You aren't the first person to go through stuff and slack on responsibilities, you won't be the last. Other people will come across this thread. These are things a new owner needs to think about.


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## octopushedge (Apr 26, 2015)

Listen, I'm fairly young too. I understand that sometimes life gets super overwhelming and it's tough to do what you have to do. I suffered from severe depression and anxiety throughout all of my childhood and now into early adulthood. It's only been about two years since I've been somewhat stable due to therapy and medication. For years I wanted a pet but I had to wait until I could consistently take care of myself before I could even consider it. My hedgehog has helped me a lot with keeping a routine and easy responsibilities, but he is in no way a "right" for me. I only got him because I was finally in a place in my life where I could. 

I'm not directing this part at you because i have no idea what your situation is/was: as others have mentioned, a hedgehog is like a child. There are no days off. I really wish more people would consider the responsibility needed for those days where you just want to sleep in and not have to handle poop or step on a random quill stuck in the carpet. It's easy to say "yeah I'll take care of it" when it's all cute at the breeders, but a year later when you have the flu or a family member dies, the job becomes much harder


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## DesireeM81 (Jun 14, 2014)

There is something important to remember as well. While our babies do need us, they also need us to be functional. If someone or something dies, if you have the flu, if you need to cram for a million finals or have to go out of town on business and the only baby sitter will make sure your little one is alive and feed them them or you can only feed them and water them, then it happens. Take that week, get better, make sure they are fed, warm and alive and they will be there when you get better, when you get back, when you ace those finals. 

There was a member on here about a year ago who had a whole bunch of bad stuff happen to her in a very short time period. She felt horrible about not being to take care of her babies like she had before everything happened. You know what though, she took care of herself then was able to take care of her babies. 

So take that week, if you need it, obviously, do what they need, food, water, even a quick pick up to make sure every one is alive and then get yourself better too. Life happens. 

Also, if you need help ask for it. A friend who can come over if you can't get out of bed, a roommate who can gently poke your little one so you are reassured by the huffing noise. A little help can go a long way.


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## MomLady (Aug 14, 2010)

On the other hand, when things are a mess, sometimes the routine is what can save us. Having a pet that depends so much on us can be motivation to get up and "just do it".


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