# I need a bigger home



## octopushedge (Apr 26, 2015)

Every time I go in the pet store I just want to grab every animal and take them home with me! Yes I know pet store animals are highly frowned upon, it's just the urge I always get  

Now I'm on kijiji and seeing so many hedgehogs people are giving up because they "don't have time" or the hedgehogs are "unfriendly". I'd love to take some in, but I just don't have the space. It's a good thing I pet sit on the side or my head would explode! 

I'm looking into backyard chickens now too...though I imagine that will have to wait for a time when I'm not renting :lol:


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## twobytwopets (Feb 2, 2014)

A lot of landlords don't enjoy chickens. Also many cities have some strict laws on having them within city limits. 
I get petstore impulses to. Only bring in cash for what you need. I've had all kinds of strange pets so there isn't much off limits for me.


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## octopushedge (Apr 26, 2015)

It's actually completely legal in my city to have all kinds of livestock in residential zones as long as they're not for commercial purposes. Makes sense though seeing as we're famous for our agriculture. 

I blame the vet students I lived with the first few years of university. We had two cats, two guinea pigs, two desert mice, a rabbit, a snake, and many fish. Now with just my hedgehog it feels so lonely.

Just bringing cash for what I need doesn't help when rats are only $5  if I wasn't aware of how much social attention they need, I'd already have one by now. They're pretty much tiny toddlers - very intelligent and very needy.


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## twobytwopets (Feb 2, 2014)

Yes, in my situation is more like, OK Hedgehog food cost x amount of dollars so I'm only going in with x, not x plus y. And I normally don't go in without a purpose.


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## Lilysmommy (Jan 7, 2009)

I've banned myself from pet stores that sell animals unless I have a chaperone...especially now, because I'm always tempted to rescue hermit crabs. The last pet store I went into that sold pets was absolutely atrocious, it was a Petland. The guy who took me meant well, but Petlands in the US are notoriously awful. Sure enough, I ended up waiting outside within 15 minutes due to the hermit crab conditions & the store manager refusing to listen to me. And then I was annoyed that I hadn't tried to sneak some of them into my purse.

And yeah, I can't go on Craigslist period. :lol: I tried to go on to search for tanks when I first got to KC. As soon as I got to the pets section, there were immediately two hedgehog ads, both for babies. I noped right back off the site before I could look further & tempt myself! I already have far too many plans for filling the future apartment with animals, hehe.


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## octopushedge (Apr 26, 2015)

Rescuing animals is such a tough call, especially from pet stores. On the one hand, you don't want those animals living in those conditions. On the other, they ultimately just see it as a sale and will keep stocking them. 

The petland in the last city I lived in was pretty bad too. They overstocked every cage. The pet store local to me now is pretty good - the employees seem to know what they're doing, and all habits are properly built. The owner seems to be a bit of a reptile enthusiast too. They will also take in rescues and drop prices on them like crazy to try and get them to a new home soon  

Fortunately due to good old fashioned overspending, I don't think I'll be able to make any impulse purchases for the next while. I just dropped about $100 on a new CHE set up, and will be putting out another $100-200 on a vivarium, all in preparation for winter. My current set up would actually be totally fine, but I think I'll save more money in the long run using a CHE rather than my room's heating system.


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## WinterGalaxy (Aug 10, 2015)

We don't have any petlands here, only Petsmart and Petco. It's always incredibly confusing. Compared to what I've seen, they take relatively good care of their animals, but still much, much less than ideal. I'm planning to start a new pet store that sells good food and actually takes good, educated care of the animals, but we'll see just how impossible that is when I grow up, lol. We went to a pet store yesterday, and the lady who gave me a tiny container of mealworms told me that since hedgehogs are insectivores, they eat exclusively insects in the wild.
I was originally going to go on craigslist to get my hedgehog, and it was so exciting when one popped up, because they're illegal where I live and thus much rarer. Eventually we found just found a good breeder who also gave us a free vet visit , and bought one from her instead.


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## octopushedge (Apr 26, 2015)

Whoa whoa whoa. Stop right there. Don't get anymore hedgehogs. If they're illegal where you live, yours may have to be euthanized if discovered. You may also have an extremely hard time getting a vet that will look at them or has any experience with them. You need to do all this research right now before an emergency happens, or be prepared to take him out of state when something happens.


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## Lilysmommy (Jan 7, 2009)

No offense, but if the breeder was willing to sell to you even knowing you live someplace where hedgehogs are illegal, they're not a good breeder. No reputable breeder will sell to someone who lives in an illegal state or area.


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## octopushedge (Apr 26, 2015)

I just read that you're 13. You need to talk to your parents about this and seriously think about whether a hedgehog is the right pet for you. Will they drive to another state at 10 pm on a Saturday to take your hedgehog to a vet, or will they want to wait until Monday? Are they willing to get involved in legal battles if your hedgehog gets reported to the wildlife authority? Are they going to pay for biannual vet visits and expensive cat food? 

I know it's tough, but if the answer to any of these is "no", your hedgehog will be better off with another family. Unfortunately everything is exacerbated by the fact that you own a very illegal animal.


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## WinterGalaxy (Aug 10, 2015)

My vet is located 30 minutes away, and they accept them. 
The breeder was also located 30 minutes away from me. I live in California, and I'm sure you've heard this before, but they're incredibly lax on their animal laws. The breeder got reported to the state by some random person over a year ago, and the state never did anything about it. 
I also know you've heard this before, unfortunately, but I'm not your average 13-year-old. I have 24 hours of free time, not including sleeping (lol), and I've dedicated 8 hours of it each day to researching it. That's just my personality, I can't not know everything. It's incredibly stressful. My parents are completely fine with the costs and such to pay for vet bills. I've had a conversation with them about their own responsibility in being able to support the animal, and have decided I will be able to support such a creature in my home.
The reason I never reveal my age online is 1. because of safety and 2. because it's a good way to lose respect fast. People naturally look down at people my age and assume that we're not mentally capable of responsibly handling situations such as these, but I revealed it on this forum because I felt it may be required to get help and properly support the animal.
I know what I'm doing, and I know the circumstance I am in. I am willing to take on the challenge with raising an animal that could be euthanized if discovered, and I am prepared if that situation does arise.


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## Lilysmommy (Jan 7, 2009)

Then, to be perfectly blunt, you're being selfish. Read your last sentence again. "I am willing to take on the challenge with raising an animal that could be euthanized if discovered, and I am prepared if that situation does arise."

Please tell me, how is that fair to the animal? You're willing to deliberately put your pet, that you say you love very much, at risk for being killed just so you can have him? You're prepared for it, but what about your hedgehog? All you're thinking about with that statement is yourself. Your risk in being discovered, your loss at having your pet euthanized. You're prepared to lose your pet, but is your hedgehog prepared to lose his life at an early age simply because you decided you needed to have him right now?

I understand that you really love hedgehogs and that you love your hedgehog. You've obviously done lots of research on how to care for him properly. Unfortunately, all of that is more or less meaningless if you're still willing to risk his life simply to own him right now. There are others on this forum that love hedgehogs a lot too. But because they live in an illegal state & know it's unfair to the hedgehog to risk their life, they don't own one. Shetland is the one I always think of with this situation. She has been part of this forum for longer than I have, for YEARS. She lives in an illegal state. She loves hedgehogs dearly, enough that she stays a part of this forum & admires everyone's stories and pictures, sympathizes with those who lose their hedgehogs due to health problems, even though she can't have one of her own. She knows it's not fair to risk that.

You're young. You will have more than enough time later to get a hedgehog when you live someplace else and can have one without needlessly risking their life. Please consider your motives for having a hedgehog and whether you're honestly being a good owner by risking your hedgehog's life just so you can have one right now.

Edit: Really, none of my disappointment in you is due to your age at all. I've previously enjoyed having you on this forum and it was clear you were doing what you could to be a good owner. Your age had nothing to do with that, and has nothing to do with this situation now. I've lost my respect for you because you're so obviously putting your own desires before the well being of your hedgehog. That's not what a responsible owner does, regardless of their age.


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## octopushedge (Apr 26, 2015)

California is actually notorious for being incredibly strict on their animal laws due to the wide range of biodiversity in your state. I'm a Canadian and even I know that. They have good reason to worry about imported animals escaping into the wild. 

So you have 24 hours of free time - do you go to school? Do you plan on getting a job when you're older? Friends? 

Look, I get it. I was your age once too and extremely independent. My mom worked basically every hour that I was home, so I cooked my own meals, got myself around town, worked, etc. I know what it's like to be an independent 13 year old. That doesn't mean situations won't change. I had a pet bird from 9-15, when because of life circumstances changing I had to get rid of him. At 13 it is really hard to imagine how your future will look because you have so little control over it. I'm not calling you stupid or anything, so don't get offended. That's just the nature of things. You haven't had a ton of life experience, so it's harder to predict how things will go. Remember that you're betting on everything going well for both you and your parents for up to the next 6 years - half your life so far. Think about how much has changed since you were 7. That also is assuming you never have a vet emergency or get reported to the authorities.


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## WinterGalaxy (Aug 10, 2015)

I'm sorry if it seems like I'm being selfish. My love for my hedgehog is genuine, please know that.
I know many, many, people who have owned one who live by me, who have owned them for years and have never had a problem with the law.
If I lived in a different state, other than California, in which the laws stated I could not own a hedgehog, then I under no circumstance would consider getting one. If I thought that I wasn't ready in my current circumstance, then I also would not get one. But I have one because I know that, in my experience with others who've also known a hedgehog, I know that the law wouldn't be a problem. I have taken all the necessary precautions if it is, but I live here, and I know how strongly the law applies.
I'm sorry if I ruined a perfectly good thread, I feel really bad about that.


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## octopushedge (Apr 26, 2015)

You're still not listening. Everybody who has hedgehogs around you has been lucky. It's like people who grow or smoke marijuana - just because some people get away with it doesn't mean that there aren't jails filled with people who got caught with it. You are taking a massive risk with your hedgehog. He may live out a full life without a problem, or he may get reported and killed. Sure your vet is okay with it, but what about the receptionist? Or the intern? Or anyone else in the lobby? 

This is where being 13 comes into play. You're too young to make illegal decisions. Right now everything is on the shoulders of your parents and the breeder. None of your precautions will matter if the wildlife authority finds out you have an illegal pet.


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## shinydistraction (Jul 6, 2014)

The thing is, you can't base your expectations off of other peoples experiences. Keeping a hedgehog where you live is illegal. Period. End of story. The fact of the matter is that someone may report it, and you may be the "lucky" one that they actually enforce the law on. Which means your hedgehog gets confiscated, possibly euthanized, and your family faces criminal charges which could include fines or jail time. Just because someone else has gotten away with robbing a bank doesn't mean you can too. I know the example is extreme, but the basic principal is the same. I hope it doesn't happen to you, but that's the risk, and your hedgehog certainly didn't sign up for it.


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## WinterGalaxy (Aug 10, 2015)

--
Right now it's summer, that's why I have 24 hours of free time. Other than horseback riding once a week for 2 hours. Yes, I have school. Six hours a day, around five minutes of homework since I normally get everything done at lunch. I got up at 7 to go to school last year, but this year I'm going to get up at 5 or six each morning to clean the wheel, refresh food, etc. Sunday is the day I clean the cage. I rarely have friends over, I prefer to keep a small and close group of friends. My closest friend just moved away, and she'd probably be the only one ever coming over. Now that she's moved, though, I doubt she'll be over more than once a month. I plan on being an author when I grow up, but that's after college, and I've thought that through. As far as just owning a hedgehog, trust me, I've spent hours thinking and writing and scheduling and planning and making sure everything would work out. The way I see it is like a game of chess, not a perfect straight line where everything goes according to plan.
I am listening. I've thought out everything. I've cried over it, I've stressed, I've prayed and prayed and prayed to God that everything will work out fine. I hate to bring my religion into this but I trust that He will help it work out. But still, don't think that's the only thing I'm relying on - I've discussed rules with my parents about telling people, and the only people who know I have one are my five friends. And I've discussed rules with them, too. I've taken every precaution to know that the state won't find out and endanger my hedgehog.
I also hate to bring my parents into this, but what if they were the ones who had posted? What if they were the ones who had declared themselves able to get a pet that wasn't allowed here, and as responsible and functioning human being who is admittedly much older than the normal acceptable age for raising a child of my age, are they old enough to make decisions about owning illegal animals? They were the ones to suggest I should get a hedgehog. I found out they were illegal. We talked about it, a lot. I didn't beg them, I talked reasonably and considered to the full extent of my capabilities about my opinion on the matter. We decided that yes, even though I would be the one caring for it (unless I can't, then they would), they technically own it. And they have decided that they are able to take that on.
How would this be handled if they were sitting here typing instead of me?


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## octopushedge (Apr 26, 2015)

If your parents were here we would be using much harsher words than we are with you. We realize it's not necessarily your fault you own a hedgehog - both the breeder and your parents are responsible and they will be the ones who may possibly go to jail because of this. Again, this has nothing to do with your age. The only reason I ever brought up your age is because I knew that meant your parents are ultimately responsibly for things like buying food, driving your hedgehog to the vet, and not breaking state laws.


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## WinterGalaxy (Aug 10, 2015)

Then I'm sorry. I have made my decision. I'm really sorry.
I am listening to you all. I find little point in argumentive discussion if everything you've said has already been brought to my attention. I was really hoping to be part of the community here and help future hedgehog owners, because you all seem like a really great bunch. But if you can't accept what decisions I've made, then I'm afraid I'll be unable to stay here without being criticized other to ask questions occasionally regarding my hedgehog's health.
I need you to know that what you say will not turn me back. I fully understand the fortuitous events that would need to take place to allow my hedgehog to stay here. I realize that I'm in a position that my hedgehog could be killed. But I'm willing to take those risks - sell my hedgehog, etc - to protect it if need be. 
I will not argue further. I quite dislike arguing. My position is understood and _accepted_.
Again, I'm sorry for disrupting such a lovely thread. I will not be posting on it any more.


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## twobytwopets (Feb 2, 2014)

Here is my background, hopefully it can give you some perspective. 
I grew up in a town where hedgehogs were illegal. That law was repealled after I was a grown adult. I wanted a hedgehog so bad when I was young. If I lived 2 miles away I could have one no problem at all. But I lived within the city limits, and I was raised with the law is the law. It wasn't an issue that warranted any type of civil disobedience, and so there was no hedgehog in my house growing up. There was hedgehog books, toys and figurines but no living breathing ball of quills. I knew I didn't have to live there when I was grown so decided it was time to learn.
Then when I was 17, I got a job that I could have to move often, including to locations where they were illegal. After a few years I no longer had that job, got myself settled and stable. Know what I did then? I got a hedgehog. I didn't have to worry about if he got sick and had to go to a vet and I'd be reported. I didn't have to worry about being pulled over by the police and Elvis being discovered. I didn't have to worry about for some reason needing fire or EMS in my house and seeing him. I was able to enjoy him without the worry of him being put to sleep just because he was him. 
There is a time for just about everything, what happens if your vet moves or retires? What happens if a more strict animal controll officer shows up?


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## Lilysmommy (Jan 7, 2009)

I'm sorry too. I hate it when people know full well that what they're doing is selfish and not in the best interests of the animal they say they love, and proceed with it anyway. You seem like you would be a fantastic owner if you weren't set on being selfish with this decision. You continue to say that YOU'RE willing to accept the risks and have said nothing about your hedgehog's interests in all of this. That tells me, more than anything, that you're more concerned with your own desires and interests, and that, more than anything, shows your immaturity. Which, by the way, has nothing to do with your age - people two or three times your age can behave just as immaturely as you're doing right now. And we would have the same, if not harsher (as already said) words to say to them. This forum considers the best interests of the hedgehog first. You're not doing that, and that's why we're saying anything at all.

(And for the record, I'm even more disappointed now - if I hadn't hoped you would be willing to see reason, given your previous behavior seeming quite mature, I wouldn't have wasted my time trying to change your mind.)

I hope your hedgehog gets lucky and no one finds him. It would be a shame for him to die for such a stupid reason when others are losing their hedgehogs from serious health issues that can't be helped.


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## WinterGalaxy (Aug 10, 2015)

Ok, so I lied, this isn't my last post.
I'd like you guys to know that you have changed my mind. I thought, a lot, like I tend to do, and I feel completely guilty for that.
But I'm too far into ownership now, since I already have one. I love him dearly, I really do, but if I try to sell him into a loving home, I know my parents and everyone else who's on board and also in love with my hedgehog will try to change my mind. And they probably will, because when it comes to internet people versus reality, reality wins over. And then I'll go into hermit mode again and be re-convinced of the opposite, and my depression will kick back in.
So, as I've said, I am terribly sorry. I feel worthless right now and honestly completely undeserving of life.


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## writergirlmel (May 16, 2015)

You're not worthless or undeserving of life. You made an irresponsible decision. It happens to everyone at some point or another, regardless of age of circumstance. You wouldn't even be worthless or undeserving of life if others were able to convince you to keep or hedgehog or even if you didn't try to reverse your decision and re-home him to a loving, responsible, legal home.

But it would show great maturity, love, and selflessness on your part if you did try to re-home him. If you didn't hide behind the fear of what those around you will think or your own loneliness and/or confidence issues or whatever else makes you unsure. If you took responsibility and explained exactly how serious the situation is. If you admitted you were wrong and stood your ground _because you love him just that much_ and know that's what's best for him.

_That_ is a girl I'd tell my little sisters (ages 10 & 11) and kids (ages 2 & 6) to look up to. That's a girl I'd respect even more than the girl who came here determined to research everything and do everything right -- because it takes major courage to admit it when you've made a mistake and stand your ground to make it right.


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## twobytwopets (Feb 2, 2014)

I don't think anyone is trying to make you feel that way. 
Fact is you got yourself in a rough situation. You and your family made a poor choice. It happens. It probably wasn't the first poor choice, and it probably won't be the last. It's part of life. It's part of growing up. 
Let me ask a question if you will indulge me, why did you want a hedgehog? What was it about them that appealed to you. 
There will be people that will try and talk you out of any decision, good or bad. The difference is being strong enough to do the right thing.


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## octopushedge (Apr 26, 2015)

Just know that the longer you sit on this, the harder it will be to make the right decision. You've had him, what, a week now? It's better to bring him to a legal home now that three months down the line. 

For what it's worth, I will still give you support no matter what your decision is. Our interest is for the well-being of hedgehogs above all else, which is why we'd strongly prefer you give him up. If you do decide to keep him, I will still be here to give advice, as I'm sure many other members will too.


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## Katten (May 10, 2014)

Sometimes I go on Kijiji and just look at hedgehogs and hamsters and I know it's a terrible habit because it just makes me want them and then I feel sad.


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## WinterGalaxy (Aug 10, 2015)

OMG everyone, I am SOOO sorry!!!
I've been gone at an overnight summer camp for the past few days, I just got home today. I had a huge argument with my sister before I left 
So apparently she found my password book and logged onto my account. :/ I'm SO mad at her right now, but at least she admitted that it got a bit out of hand. I found that she'd posted in a few other threads of mine, too. 
Again, I apologize for my sister's immaturity. She'd like you guys to know that she's terribly sorry, too.
Needless to say, she's in really big trouble. She's on internet restriction to make sure she doesn't wreck havoc in any other places. We live in a perfectly legal area, I definitely don't have mental trouble, and I hope something like this doesn't happen again.
I hope I'll be welcomed onto this forum again after what she'd caused. I'm changing my password and hiding the book in a much better place.


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## octopushedge (Apr 26, 2015)

Alright, we may be old but we're not dumb. You made a mistake. It's okay. We've already explained how we feel about it. We've already explained you are welcome on the forum. You don't have to make up a lie about your sister logging in to your account and having very specific hedgehog concerns.


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## WinterGalaxy (Aug 10, 2015)

...I am welcome?
Yes, I lied. I know that I'll be welcome but I won't be respected. I'll be looked down upon as someone who doesn't truly love their hedgehog. I asked my mom if I could re-home him, and basically my entire family looked at me like I was a madman. I pressed more and they explained that I've started something that I have to finish.
I want to be a normal member on the forum, and I want to be able to help other members. Now that I've severed my reputation, I know that my hedgehog will be helped, because I know you all love them no matter what, but I'm afraid I won't be able to ever become an actual member of the community.
I'm actually not sure what you mean by very specific hedgehog concerns.


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## twobytwopets (Feb 2, 2014)

You did more damage with your story. 

Real hedgehog concerns? You also posted about lighting issues and treats during the time of this thread.

I'm trying very hard to not go full blown mom on you at this point. My advice is this... Keep your temper in check, don't get angry with the truth, don't lie then expect people to believe you. If someone says something that is upsetting to you, just take it. Avoid the temptation to defend or argue.


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## WinterGalaxy (Aug 10, 2015)

I know, and I feel ridiculous with lying.
I wasn't thinking and I was on my last straw. I'm still persisting with this forum, I'm not near deleting my account like I've seen so many others do. I panicked, and I know I made it 1000 times worse with the lame little story.
Look, don't comment any more on the lying thing. It was impulse and I don't take it well when people mention "you've disappointed me." Never have in the past, haven't now. I've gotten so many people telling me to get off this forum, that you're bullies, that I should go all Donald Trump on you. I know that would have been better than hiding under a horrible lie that sounds like it was manifested by a 6 year old, but conflict at all is not my stong point.


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## writergirlmel (May 16, 2015)

WinterGalaxy said:


> ...I am welcome?
> Yes, I lied. I know that I'll be welcome but I won't be respected. I'll be looked down upon as someone who doesn't truly love their hedgehog. I asked my mom if I could re-home him, and basically my entire family looked at me like I was a madman. I pressed more and they explained that I've started something that I have to finish.
> I want to be a normal member on the forum, and I want to be able to help other members. Now that I've severed my reputation, I know that my hedgehog will be helped, because I know you all love them no matter what, but I'm afraid I won't be able to ever become an actual member of the community.
> I'm actually not sure what you mean by very specific hedgehog concerns.


Okay, I'm going to tell you a _very_ embarrassing story.

I'm totally going to date myself here, but I don't think I've made it any big secret that I'm in my late 30's, so I've embarrassed myself more than a few times -- fortunately, mostly before the internet was a big thing. Way back when I was 12, I had a rough year. (I'm actually fairly convinced that age is a tough one all around because a vast majority of my friends recall being little terrors at that age, and most of the parents I know who have survived parenting a 12 year old did so while not liking their kid very much for about a year. Mark my words. One day, they'll find a 12-year-curse gene in the human genome.)

I have no clue what I was going through. My parents were still married (they didn't separate temporarily until I was 15), I had friends, I made good grades, no one had died. I just...I don't know. I guess I was just going through typical tween stuff and didn't deal with it well. I was bored, and my tendency to latch onto something and obsess over it and sort of live in a fantasy world started to develop. (Note: That's useful, to an extent, for a writer. Not so useful for a kid navigating middle school society.) Then I discovered a boy band. New Kids on the Block, to be exact. These days, while my former boy band loving peers are squealing and drooling over the now 40-something New Kids and Backstreet Boys being reunited in a last-ditch effort at notoriety, I cringe when I hear a NKOTB song. And here's why....

One day, near the beginning of 7th grade, a girl a year older than me who also happened to irritate me to no end was sitting near me in the gym after lunch and just pushing my buttons. She was a big NKOTB fan, too, and somehow she goaded me into this stupid competition of who was the bigger fan, who knew more, etc. And she got me so flustered that I blurted, "Oh shut up! You don't know them like I do!" And she shot back, "Oh really? You know them, huh? Yeah, right. Prove it!"

Of course, what I meant was "You don't know as much about them as I do," but being flustered and young and somewhat stupid (in hindsight), I shot back, "Yeah! And I will." And thus The Lie of the Year was born. At first, I thought I could just manufacture a little evidence, present it, and keep it quiet. But Miss Blabbermouth had the whole story spread to all 350 students in our middle school before the day was out. And no matter how embarrassed I got, I couldn't bring myself to just admit that I'd made a mistake. It was too embarrassing to admit I'd done something so stupid and pointless. And my fantasy life? So much better than the reality of my boring small town life. So I lied. And I lied some more. And before I knew it, I'd spent over half the school year lying, alienating my friends, and looking like an idiot. Still, I didn't know what to do because I was afraid that even if I admitted it, people would _really_ know what I'd done, and my reputation would be ruined forever.

So I went to my mom. It was the hardest thing I'd ever done until I had to tell her my first husband was abusing me -- because I knew how disappointed she'd be. But in the end, she told me exactly what I'm going to tell you: "Take your lumps; it'll pass."

I went to school the next day, and the first time the whole thing was brought up (which was about 10 seconds after I walked through the door), I admitted that I'd lied. I didn't make up another lie to justify it. I just admitted that I'd lied, that it was stupid, and that I was tired of being that person. And you know what? It was all okay.

No, people didn't forgive and forget immediately. I was still teased a lot for the rest of the year. But my real friends started slowly coming back. My grades improved. One teacher (who I still keep in touch with) told me she was proud of me. (Today, she tells me it was the year I became a writer, though I went about it rather strangely.) And by the next year, I was able to laugh at it. I even used it as part of my campaign for student council (which I lost). By Christmas break of 8th grade, no one mentioned it anymore. I had a tight group of friends. We weren't the most popular, but we weren't the bottom of the social barrel either. And I went on to high school with all those same people and managed to have a steady boyfriend most of the time, star in several theatrical productions, become the school's star music student, participate in 32 different clubs, serve as editor of the school paper, and many other things.

Did people forget? Not likely. I'm certain anyone who was there would remember it if someone said, "Hey, remember when we were in the 6th/7th/8th grade, and Mel decided to tell everyone she was dating Joey from New Kids on the Block?" And I always wonder if I'll have to take my lumps again someday if I ever become a famous enough writer to warrant some jerk from my childhood dredging it up. But at the same time, I don't think anyone else is hearing "Hangin' Tough" come on over the grocery Muzak station and thinking anything but, "Crikey. When'd we get old enough for our music to be Muzak?" (I am -- but it's the most embarrassing incident of _my_ life. And I'm thinking the thing about being old too.)

My point is simple. Right now, you're reeling. You made a mistake, we collectively called you out on it, there was some back and forth, you decided you'd try to make it right, and, for whatever reason, you either couldn't or decided against it and then tried to cover the whole thing up with a lie. (I wish I could believe that you really tried to make it right, but I can't. That's what happens when you cover up a mistake with a lie.) We all know what happened. And because of that, you feel like you can't be a member of this community because everyone will always know.

I wish I could tell you that it won't ever be that way. But the truth is, it is going to be that way for awhile. There's going to be a record in the collective memory (and your post history) of the fact that you illegally obtained an animal without enough regard for the possible consequences and that you tried to cover it up with a lie. For as long as you live in an area where hedgehogs are illegal and continue to keep her, some of us are going to know the situation, and that information is going to factor into our opinions whether we want it to or not. That's unavoidable. It's part of "taking the lumps."

But I can also tell you that if you're honest from here and on out, continue to be an otherwise responsible member of the hedgehog community, and begin to own the fact that you're in a terrible situation -- perhaps even use it to discourage others from doing what you did -- the good will slowly start to overshadow the bad. And finally, I can tell you that there aren't any short-cuts. The hedgehog community is remarkably small, relatively speaking. Few people are part of just one forum or group. Most are part of multiple forums and groups and converse with other hedgehog people outside of those forums and groups. I recognize HHC forum members in other groups every day -- usually from the details rather than from screen names, names, etc. So I assure you that even if you leave this forum and try to start over elsewhere, you're likely to be recognized and exposed eventually.

So take your lumps. Move forward. And know that it'll be okay in time.


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## octopushedge (Apr 26, 2015)

Mel really nailed it (though I have to admit I burst out laughing when the story turned to New Kids on the Block). I was trying to think of a good way to explain what Mel already did. Basically, yes, you are blowing this up in your head to be a way bigger deal than it is to anyone else. We were all your age once, we all have very similar stories to what Mel told. I don't think anyone here is holding a grudge against you, we're just trying to help you make the right decisions.


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## twobytwopets (Feb 2, 2014)

Just for the record Mel, Joey was cheating on you. We were going to get married, I've seen him as an adult, thank goodness that didn't pan out. But worse, I had a crush on him and Vanilla Ice.


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## writergirlmel (May 16, 2015)

twobytwopets said:


> Just for the record Mel, Joey was cheating on you. We were going to get married, I've seen him as an adult, thank goodness that didn't pan out. But worse, I had a crush on him and Vanilla Ice.


Ugh. He was always _such_ a player! Really, I don't know why I stayed as long as I did. Blinded by fame, I suppose.


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## WinterGalaxy (Aug 10, 2015)

Well, that makes me feel better. You actually sound just like me living in a fantasy world, except I live in Hogwarts and Middle Earth. I develop obsessions over things - Books, MBTI, tetrachromacy, synesthesia, and now hedgehogs. Which isn't that bad most of the time, but whenever things do get bad, I don't handle it well, because reality comes knocking on the door. That also happened when I finished the Harry Potter series - not that I made a mistake at the end of the series, it was a total reality check.
I assume I'm suddenly the center of attention of everyone and once I lose my logical composure, I fall apart. But hey, now I know one of the reasons that Modern Family is so popular now.


> The hedgehog community is remarkably small, relatively speaking.


That's mostly the reason I didn't delete my account and join a different forum. It's also one of the reasons that I think the situation exploded so much in my mind, because I know other hedgie-lovers would always know who I am, even if I don't disclose my personal information. Bandit's name was still out there. I just saw the whole Katiethehedge thing blow up and figured everyone looked at my user and put me and my family on the same level as her, and I just hope that was only my mind. Or I was unusually judgmental towards her.
Someone asked why I wanted a hedgehog in the first place - they reminded me of woodlands. And forests, and the wild. I was attracted to how unusual they are as pets. I love really everything quirky and strange. My name, which I won't say, is incredibly boring and normal, which is why I want to legally change it to Zinnia or Alaska or Tuesday when I grow up. I also want to live in a 200 square foot house, but I could go on forever about my plans for the future.
I'm willing to continue on existing here if it means that I can make up what I've done someday. I guess I can kind of be thankful that this all happened though, cause I can't say I learned nothing.


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## twobytwopets (Feb 2, 2014)

You would be surprised how much things change as far as priorities between 13-18. Think back 5 years, you most likely enjoyed very different things as you do today. 
Your age is probably your saving grace in this situation. No, it doesn't excuse anything but it's somewhat understandable. We were all 13 once, and I'd say the majority were 13 year old girls once. 
I'd reccomend for your own sanity that you start working on handling situations that don't go as planned. Physically take a step back. Stop and ask yourself, is this worth the energy and anxiety I'm giving it? Then ask yourself if it will be important in your life 5 years from now? 99% of the time it isn't worth the energy of stressing over it because it won't matter 5 years from now. What you seen as a problem at 8 years old is very different than it is now? You can probably look back and laugh about them. 5 years from now you will laugh at 13 year old you problems. But the problems that come as an adult will be bigger issues than what you are facing now. If you learn how to handle them now, it won't be as hard when your an adult. 

You want to make it up? Own it! Be as honest and respectful as you possibly can be. If your upset, don't get online. Understand that it will take time to fix what was done. People may not believe you, that's ok. Really it is. People may remember that you blew up, it's ok because you did. This is a quick moving forum, someone will be along to start drama about something else. Eventually it won't be fresh in our memories.


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