# About the recent "online fights"



## susanaproenca (Aug 14, 2010)

Some of you might remember that I used to be a very active member of this forum. I've been very, very busy in the past few months (I'm getting married in October so we are busy planning the wedding, on top of that I'm away from home for the whole month of July for work) but I still log in every day and read through the posts.

Recently there have been some threads that turned into online fights, and that really bothers me. Those "fights" just show how immature some members are and can scare new members away. I know for sure that if I had read posts like those when I was still deciding whether or not I'd become a member here, I'd probably had chosen not to join a forum where members fight like immature children. 

People have to put in their heads that they won't always like what other people have to say, and that's just called life. It will be like that forever, up to the day you die there will be people saying what you don't want to hear (although sometimes it is what you NEED to hear.) It doesn't matter if it is online, at school, at your work place or in a intimate relationship -- you WILL have to hear things you don't like and that's it, just suck it up and keep going. 

Also, people need to learn that they can't force people to change their minds to do whatever they want them to. So if someone comes here with an idea that you think it's completely irresponsible... Be mature and politely tell that person your concerns, but keep in mind things won't always have the outcome you would had wished for. Again, that's just how life goes. 

I had no intention to offend anyone with my post, I'm just trying to keep the forum a pleasant experience for everyone, old and new members!


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## MissC (Nov 15, 2010)

Well said, Susan!

I would just like to suggest a method of dealing with people you don't like/agree with. I am going to patent this system and make millions of dollars. It is a no-risk, low-effort approach that even trained monkeys use. I call it 'Ignoring'. I am looking for a better name, like the CindySystem but until I have the paperwork done, I am calling it 'Ignoring'.

I use it a LOT: when someone says something I don't agree with, and I have already given my point of view; or when someone is obviously not going to listen to reason no matter how many times they are hit over the head with experienced advice; when someone who is seemingly new to hedgie ownership yet is spouting opinion as if it is Hedgie Gospel; or when I just plain don't like someone. (I like a LOT of people, I don't have to like them ALL.)

This "Ignoring" thing is the surest way to NOT create drama, cause fights and hurt feelings. Try it now!!! Cuz once I get that patent, I am charging for it!!


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## Quinn (Apr 24, 2011)

Well I guess I will be owing you lots of money :roll: lol. :lol:


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## shetland (Sep 2, 2008)

All I am thinking about now is how gorgeous fall weddings are!


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## MissC (Nov 15, 2010)

shetland said:


> All I am thinking about now is how gorgeous fall weddings are!


Maybe we should plan it for her!!! We could free up some of her time and just think of the fun we'd have!!!


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## LarryT (May 12, 2009)

Spoken like a TRUE hedgehog champion!  I've missed having you around here as I think you are one of the most wonderfull members we have ever had in my 2 plus years here.  Congrats on the wedding! Hope you are forever happy!


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## panda (May 23, 2011)

Well put! This website can be such a great place for information and socializing about hedgehogs as long as we all keep it friendly and informative.


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## Immortalia (Jan 24, 2009)

Very well said. I know I've been guilty of it when I first joined this forum, because it's so hard not to listen to your heart when it comes to our four legged ones. And over time, I realize that as heartwrenching as it can be, it's still better not to scare someone off and leave them in the dark with nowhere to turn when something bad does happen. 

Nowadays I rarely respond cause there are others who are quick to do it and don't mind repeating the same info continuously. And when I do respond, it's usually just once. If they listen and ask more, I will reply again. If they don't listen and the thread is spiralling downhill, I just stop and resist responding. There could be many fancy language written about a few of the threads, but in the end, it's just not worth it, and not worth chasing someone away from all this knowledge. 

And congrats on the wedding!!! I love fall weddings they're always so pretty. Hope you have more time to visit us soon!


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## susanaproenca (Aug 14, 2010)

MissC said:


> shetland said:
> 
> 
> > All I am thinking about now is how gorgeous fall weddings are!
> ...


It's a lot of work but I'm having so much fun planning everything. But yeah, I could definitely use some help! 



shetland said:


> All I am thinking about now is how gorgeous fall weddings are!


Hopefully we will be at the peak of fall foliage here in Massachusetts for that weekend! 



LarryT said:


> Spoken like a TRUE hedgehog champion!  I've missed having you around here as I think you are one of the most wonderfull members we have ever had in my 2 plus years here.  Congrats on the wedding! Hope you are forever happy!


Thank you Larry!  You make me blush! :lol:



Immortalia said:


> And congrats on the wedding!!! I love fall weddings they're always so pretty. Hope you have more time to visit us soon!


Thank you!  I'm hoping I'll have more time for the forum as soon as I'm back home for good, next weekend. Right now I'm coming home only for the weekends and then I just want to spend time with the girls and the puppy (and the fiance of course! :lol: )


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## Lilysmommy (Jan 7, 2009)

Very, very well said, both Susana and Cindy.

And also Susana, congrats on the wedding, and I bet it will be gorgeous!  I hope the girls are doing well, I can't wait for more pics of them both (especially that little pink nose of Pete's!).


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## susanaproenca (Aug 14, 2010)

I am bumping this because honestly, people do need to read it.


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## MissC (Nov 15, 2010)

I agree...the post was very useful until someone derailed it talking about helping you with your wedding. :roll: 

I think, given what I have been hearing from other HHC members, is the tendency of some new folks to give advice firstly, as if they have been on HHC for years and, secondly, as if their opinion is fact.

There are some members who HAVE been here for years - even THEY don't give advice in that manner and will readily admit they have an opinion but aren't an 'expert' and, most importantly, are quick to state that we simply don't know enough about hedgies to present ANYTHING as good/bad/otherwise. They give their very experienced opinions and leave it at that. They recognize the need for each owner to do what's right for THEIR hedgie. PERIOD.

I think telling people you don't think they'd be a good owner because you don't agree with them or stating a food is 'crap' is...well...crap. :lol: And just plain mean. :?


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## lehaley (Jun 25, 2011)

Congrats on the upcoming wedding, susanaproenca!

I agree that bumping this thread is probably necessary. I've seen a few minor disagreements (not sure if I would elevate them to "fight" status) on here recently. I think there are a lot of very strong personalities in this forum and many of them have differing opinions on the right and wrong ways to care for a hedgehog. I'm not saying that people shouldn't be able to voice their differing opinions (I've personally found getting many different opinions to be extremely helpful in preparing to bring my new hedgie home), but please be respectful of others in doing so. Try to remember that this is the internet, and words on a computer screen can sometimes come off to others differently than you intended them to. This holds true on both sides of a forum conversation. Don't automatically assume that someone is trying to be snippy or rude and immediately become defensive or combative in your replies. Everyone on this website means well, but starting arguments over the internet is really counterproductive.

Basically what I'm saying is:








Don't be the internet tough guy :lol:


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## MissC (Nov 15, 2010)

LMAO!!! :lol:


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## lehaley (Jun 25, 2011)

MissC said:


> LMAO!!! :lol:


I was hoping somebody would appreciate that :mrgreen:


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## LarryT (May 12, 2009)

lehaley said:


> MissC said:
> 
> 
> > LMAO!!! :lol:
> ...


Hey, where did you get my picture from!  :lol:


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## lehaley (Jun 25, 2011)

LarryT said:


> lehaley said:
> 
> 
> > MissC said:
> ...


Larry, you're an Olympic powerlifter/streetfighting god? Who knew!  
By the way, I will probably be placing an order for one of your fabulous CSBW's sometime in the next few weeks.


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## LarryT (May 12, 2009)

lehaley said:


> By the way, I will probably be placing an order for one of your fabulous CSBW's sometime in the next few weeks.


Thank you!


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## leaveittoweaver (Sep 25, 2010)

MissC said:


> I agree...the post was very useful until someone derailed it talking about helping you with your wedding. :roll:
> 
> I think, given what I have been hearing from other HHC members, is the tendency of some new folks to give advice firstly, as if they have been on HHC for years and, secondly, as if their opinion is fact.
> 
> ...


I think it's unfair to say that just because someone hasn't been here for years means they don't know as much information as others.

And I haven't seen anyone including myself say anyone was a bad owner simply because they feed what some may deem(including myself) a crappy food.

I'm a nutrition snob when it comes to animals, maybe this has to do with the fact I deal with animal nutrition everyday and see what happens when animals are fed a diet with poorer quality ingredients. I've definitely been guilty of getting heated in the recent thread on the new food list. But I think it's safe to say that most of us who have been getting testy in these threads are really only concerned about animal health. This doesn't excuse anyone being rude and I'm sorry if I am guilty of that but that's just my two cents on the matter


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## hanhan27 (May 12, 2011)

leaveittoweaver said:


> But I think it's safe to say that most of us who have been getting testy in these threads are really only concerned about animal health. This doesn't excuse anyone being rude and I'm sorry if I am guilty of that but that's just my two cents on the matter


I agree, LITW. I am guilty of not re-reading the things I type to make sure it doesn't come across as rude, and I, too, can get worked up over certain topics. It isn't because I'm a mean person, or trying to be hurtful, I am just an animal lover, through and through, and my opinions and words come out before I stop and think about it.

I don't believe that I've been responsible for fights/heated discussions starting, but I have posted in some of these threads, and I think I'm going to lay off posting in the Health or Diet/Nutrition forums for a bit :lol: . Really what it all comes down to is what the individual person has found to work/prefers/can afford, etc. I think we all need to keep that in our minds when posting. I know I'm going to try a lot harder to bite my tongue when need be, and just offer helpful, IMO advice. I would hate to scare off new members with the turmoil that's been happening lately!


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## ourico (May 20, 2011)

I think this is sad. Yes the fights need to stop, but some of the people above are just as responsible as other people. It takes at least two to have a disagreement and only the new people are being blamed. The thing I don't like about this forum is there is a certain group of people who seem to be united and always stick up for eachother, which causes more of an argument. I try to avoid coming on here for 2 reasons:

1) 80% of the time, someone will start a post then someone else goes and completely changes it to something else involving a different member. It's annoying. We post to get answers or opinions, not hear how cute someone else's hedgehog is or greasy food. 

2) The fights. Im not around much, but enough to notice a couple people that always have to get there two cents in and start the argument up. I personally really liked the new food lists and didn't find anything wrong with them. 

The sad part is I know Canadien personally as well as another guy on here. She's made the whole "screw this forum" very clear and will not be back. The other guy I know, left because whenever we post someone complete takes it off subject and we never get any answers. I'm hardly on here for the same reasons. 

People really need to stop bringing up random topics or threads. Have respect for the poster, please. And people, you really don't need to be rude and attacking about your opinions. Opinions can be said, nicely. Forms of bullying shouldn't be allowed. Especially PM's saying "Your ruining the whole forum".


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## DasIgelPoggie (Oct 21, 2010)

I actually advise people who reserve my babies to join HHC, both so I can keep getting updates (I get attached :roll: ) and so that when they have questions, they have a bunch of people with experience, not just myself, to give them opinions and possible answers. I like that HHC provides different opinions, because what my opinion is might not be the best for certain situations- the whole "two brains are better than one" thing, except for there are tons of us. Today I had a girl email me back and ask if it was a requirement that she join HHC. She doesn't want to at all. The reason being, she came to the forums investigating food, looked up "food list", and the recent thread came up first-- it was very well-meant originally, and I don't think originally things were meant to be taken offensively, but they weren't particularly tact-checked. It became rather impolite very quickly. When she came upon it, it was still at a pretty intense point where some rather abrupt statements were expressed. I understand that some people simply have more direct speaking tendencies than others (myself included at times), but for a younger girl (she is 17, she and her parents are taking home one of Penny's babies), it seemed like a rather unfriendly learning environment. She told me she would prefer to just ask me and only me questions (I don't want my opinion being taken as the ultimate truth!! I WANT her on here getting everyone's opinions!!!) rather than ask HHC, because, in a direct quote, "I think I would be embarrassed if I didn't know something and asked about it". This saddened me, because I know how wonderful the HHC community is-- you have all been there for me through so much, helped answer questions, shared in my joy and comforted me when sad. You are a positively incredible group of people. However, she simply saw a couple of un-checked posts that, because we can't hear what you're saying and can only read it, seemed to be a bit condemning of others' opinions or questions. I don't know if I will be able to convince her to join. She might still. But please, in the interest of new members, more sensitive members, and even just for courtesy's sake, remember tact and humility when posting. I personally am going to work extra hard to be better at that-- from now on I'm TRIPLE reading my posts! :lol: Please, please, please keep that in mind as you post too. Thanks guys, you're the best.


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## panda (May 23, 2011)

I have to say that i read the thread on the new food list by canadien and i think that she was given constructive criticism but it wasnt necessarily rude. :| 
i looked at her lists and thought it was great...it was clear she put lots of effort into it, the only issue i personally had was the under/over 6mo. guidelines confused me quite a bit, as my foods dont exactly fit under that and my hedgie is only 5mo. old. also i believe i recall canadien was one of the people who helped me build my mixture.. which leads to more confusion on the age guidelines. :?: 
canadien has been an intelligent and helpful person here on the forum so it is sad to hear she is gone.  
i do have to say though that some of the fights i saw on here were triggered or blossomed by some of her remarks. she is really knowledgeable but sometimes comes off really rude, but i personally always tried to look over when anyone on here has sounded or came off as being rude, i am sure i have accidentally done this as well while not meaning to. it is really difficult to remember that the way we read what we write here may not be perceived the same way by someone else who reads it. every time i log on i try to not take anything personally, any comments that sound rude i try to see simply as someone trying to help give information. i think that when we start taking things too personally we get these blow out fights which are terrible for this forum.. because like you said i too thought this forum was the nicest community when i first started here, i was amazed at how helpful everyone could be on here.. other forums such as the one for bearded dragons seemed like people were all know it alls and rude, but then again maybe i just took what they were saying to me the wrong way as well.  
lets just love each other!!! no more fights please! 

just read the above reply as it came in when i hit submit.. so unfortunate :| 
there is so much great information.. but it does take quite a bit of filtering through discussions as well. also want to add i think it is great you tell your buyers about the forum so they can get the information from as many sources as possible!


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